How the Baseball scene in Twilight should of went
by Popular Galinda
Summary: Titly says it all but if you love to laugh and see a new version of the film's scene then please read. If you love pure crap, please read. If you dont want to laugh then dont read. That is all


**This is pure crap! I'm sorry Meyer but I'm bored and I know this isn't following the book or the film. But now every time I read the baseball chapter I can't help but humming that muse song. **

Cue the Muse music! (Super massive black hole starts playing)

"Look, Bella!" Alice leaped in the air. "We're gonna play baseball!"

"Muse is playing, we can begin!" Emmett announced.

"Yay!" Jasper twirled his bat.

"Bella, you can umpire, because we vampires like to cheat!" Grinned Esme.

"Um, okay." Bella just shrugged.

"Watch me run really fast, my love." Edward ordered. Then he ran away from her, ran around the field a few times and then back to Bella.

"Did you see how fast I went?" Edward said stroking his hair trying to look super cool.

"Yeah, I did." Bella said. She wasn't really watching but Edward liked to impress her so she went along with it.

"Come on, Eddie, you wanna show off all day or are we gonna play some ball!" Rosalie laughed clinging onto Emmett for support.

"Alice, throw the ball." Carlisle said getting ready to the hit the ball.

Alice lifted one leg in the air as though she is about to do a high kick and then threw the ball towards Carlisle. Carlisle hit the ball and it was sent hundreds or metres away from the field.

"Whoa." Bella breathed.

"You should see Emmett hit." Esme told her. Bella looked over at Emmett who was doing a sort of ritual dance and pounding his fist against his chest.

"Can't wait." Bella told Esme. Carlisle was at third base waiting for home run. Alice had the ball in her hands that was given to her by Edward.

"Whose up?" Edward cried.

"ME!" Rosalie bounced up and down. She ran over and took the bat from Esme. "Ready!"

Alice threw the ball at her. Rosalie hit it and started running straight away. She had to beat Edward. He couldn't win! She ran as fast as she could knew that Edward would be slightly faster. She past the third base. Almost homerun. She skidded to the last base and looked up at Bella.

"Well?"

"Out…" Bella said nervously.

_Stupid Bella and Edward making me lose again!_ Rosalie stormed off angrily.

"Come on, babe!" Emmett shouted from across the field but Rosalie ignored him.

"Do you want to bat, Bella?" Esme asked the human girl.

"Um, no." Bella said. "I'm terrible at sport."

"Your lost!" Jasper said taking the bat. "Come on, Alice! Hit me with your best shot!"

But Alice wasn't focusing anymore. Her future sense were going off inside her mind.

"STOP!" She shouted. "Other vampires are coming!"

"What?" Carlisle asked his freakishly short daughter.

"I saw vampires coming towards this way but a magic carpet!" She cried.

"Bella!" Edward gasped. "Quickly, let your hair down, maybe they'll just smell that cheap shampoo you use!"

"I don't use shampoo." Bella admitted.

"Oh…never mind." Edward pinched his nose. Out of the forest came three vampires, two men and a woman with wild red hair.

"Who are you?" Carlisle asked the three vampires.

"I'm Victoria."

"James!" James emphasised. **(A/N: Like in Pokemon!)**

"Laurent!" :3

"He's gay." Edward whispered to Bella. "I heard his thoughts about him and that James character banging each other."

"Gah! Homosexuals!!!" Alice cringed. She had a vision about them banging each other in the near future.

"What did you see?" Jasper asked.

"Oi! Vicky!" Alice called out to her. "Your boyfriend is gay." Victoria flashed a stern look at James hoping it wasn't true.

"Anyway, may we join your game?" Laurent asked.

"Is those clothes?" Rosalie asked looking up and down at their expensive labels. "Won't they get dirty?"

"Rosalie." Esme said placing a hand on her shoulder.

"You may join us, two of our players were about to leave anyway." Carlisle told him giving a signal for Edward to take Bella away.

"Eddie and Bella are gonna have some fun!" Emmett said thrusting the air.

"Stop thinking of prevented thoughts!" Edward and Jasper both shouted.

BUT THEN! THE MOST HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED…a gust of wind blew Bella's hair! OH NO! Her scent blew into the air.

"GASP!" James sniffed the air. "You brought a cookie!"

At that very moment Mike Newton came running across the field towards the vampires. Who knew that Mike Newton could run so fast? When he got to them he was panting hard.

"Hang on." He panted. "Give me a minute."

The vampires stood and waited for him to get his breath and say what he wanted to say.

"Did you run all the way here?" Alice asked.

"Took me three days to get here from my house." Mike told them.

"Stupid human." Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Anyway!" Mike said. "Bella isn't a cookie! She's my future girlfriend once she has broken up with Edward Cullen! But if you guys have any cookies, I would like one, please."

"Can I eat him?" Victoria asked.

"Go ahead!" Edward pushed the weak boy to the vampire. Victoria took him in her hands and snapped his neck in half. She drank his blood happily.

"Don't hog all of Newton!" Rosalie and Emmett said diving in for a taste of blood.

"Anyway! You brought a snack!" James hissed at Edward.

"Edward, protect me!" Bella cried.

"Protect yourself." Edward told her.

"What?" Bella started to cry.

"I'm fed up with you!" Edward started. "All you do is look like a retard when the camera turns to you and falling over. I mean come on! You tripped over a cordless phone! How is that possible? Tripping over a bloody cordless phone! I might as well cut your wrist so Jasper can eat you."

"I don't want to eat Bella." Jasper said. "She picks her nose."

"What?" Everyone looked at Jasper.

"Yeah, in about a second Bella will be picking it again." Alice told them. Everyone looked at Bella and saw her picking her nose.

"Buried treasure!" She grinned.

"So…can I bite her?" James asked.

"Yeah, go ahead." Edward said running away from Bella. His family followed him leaving poor Bella behind.

"So, Edward, where shall we look next for your mary sue?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't care, as long as she does something and not sit around all day." Edward told him.

"Hollywood!" Rosalie suggested. Everyone agreed and went to Hollywood to find Edward a new mary sue.

**End!**

**PS: Mike Newton's diary is open to anyone. If you hate Mike Newton in Twilight that you can laugh at him in The Log Of Mike Newton cause diary isn't manly.**

**Sorry if I offended anyone but I didn't warn you that it was pure crap…**


End file.
